I cut my penus on the lid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
