I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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