If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
