Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
