i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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