So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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