Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
