i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
