It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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