Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
