I wish I only lived at night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
