dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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