well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
