You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
