His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
