if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
