I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
