Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
