apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
