and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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