I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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