wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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