Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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