I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
