During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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