he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
