All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
