1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
