if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
