You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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