I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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