True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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