my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
