You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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