can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
