I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
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dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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