you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
