Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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