I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.