someone get that fucking seahorse.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.