ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE