She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed