You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
