Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
