this beer tastes like vomit already
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
