You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
MIDGETS
????
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
