& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
