Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
