unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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