put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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