Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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