Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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