It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
