That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
