i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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