I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
where are you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?