i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus