I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄