So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious