i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
