Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
