what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
