I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
