I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
